I'm Moving!

For those of you who have tuned into my blog thus far, thank you for your interest and support! Per the advice of my oh-so talented blogging guru I have moved my blog over to WordPress (yep, I have a blogging guru. I know you are jealous).

Here is the link to the new site: http://timeforrenewal.wordpress.com

Please continue to follow my blog and stay tuned for a new post in the near future! Once again, thank you for reading and I hope you continue to follow my blog at its new home.

Remember When...?

Someone asked me the other day if I remembered when the hardest decision I had to make in a day was what color crayon to use. Years and years ago I am sure picking between sea foam green and sky blue seemed like a defining decision that affected my existence. “Does sea foam green best define my mood after waking from a nap and finishing my juice box? Or is sky blue the better expression of my infantile emotional state as I attempt to illustrate my vivid imagination?” (Yes, I like to imagine myself as the type of child who would be concerned about the color of a crayon reflecting my inner emotional self. In reality it was more like “Blue is pretty! Green is icky!”)

Ah to be a child again… I remember I used to hope and pray that time would go by faster so I could be a grown-up. I couldn’t wait to throw my own parties like my parents did or stay up late watching those funny TV shows I could never understand. I will admit being an adult has its perks. I can stay up as late as I want, I can reach the back of the pantry where the good snacks are hidden, and I can watch TV all weekend long if I want to. These are wonderful privileges, it’s true, but why did it all seem so glamorous when I was a child? Unfortunately everything just gets more complicated as we grow older. As we attempt to mature we learn that people are not always dependable and relationships become more convoluted. (I hear you saying “Well DUH… is this supposed to be insightful?” but I am going somewhere with this, I swear).

Time passes and friends you once relied on to do anything for you start drifting away. Before you know it, they’re no longer the same friend you remember. As a child, friends were true friends to the end. There were no judgments to be made regarding your morality, religion, political views, etc. The only fight that may have occurred was whether someone feels like sharing their favorite toy. Now our friends become more than just our playmates, they become family. You give them your trust despite the fact they could betray you. When you were younger, there was no question as to whether your friend would help you up when you fell on the playground. Now our friends can choose to keep running, leaving you behind to tend to your bloody knee all by yourself.

Let’s face it, it’s impossible not to trip and fall in life. Sometimes your friends will be there to help you and other times you will find yourself sitting alone watching the ones you depended on flee the scene. Thus my first realization - it’s time to stop putting faith in those people that let you down. Stop expecting them to support you through anything. Stop relying on them when they fail you. It’s time to move forward with a strong support system and leave that dead weight behind.

Now, don’t forget, you are going to fall. You are going to fall HARD and it’s possible that no one will be there to help you. And so my second realization - if I fall and no one is there to help, who the hell cares? It’s the decision to get up and keep climbing that mountain that makes us who we are. Would it be easy to stop where you are, set up camp, and never leave? Hell yes! But stopping mid-way on your own journey is a cowardly way to let your life pass you by. Yes, it sucks. Yes, it’s going to hurt. However, I owe it to myself to fight whatever hell may lie in front of me.

So you know, these realizations have stemmed from a recent terrible, indescribable fall. Looking up from where I’ve fallen, I don’t see too many people holding out their hands to help me up. I can tell you right now, it doesn't feel so great. Despite this pain and the bruises I have brought upon myself, I'm not setting up camp and calling it quits. Thankfully as I begin to brush the dirt off and start walking, I see a few shining faces that I have always been able to rely on. You know who you are and I want you to know that I love and cherish you all beyond words. Thank you for the support, the hugs, the laughs, the smiles, and the reassurance that I have sorely needed. Thank you for taking my hand and reminding me the end of the world only comes when you give up.

Challenge Accepted

The decision to create this blog stems from a realization that I have somehow lost part of who I am. As I looked in the mirror this morning thinking the same thoughts of how I would love to lose 10 pounds and how I might need to consider a new mascara, I realized that I am at a stand still. I'm in a rut. I once had an insatiable appetite for my life. I wanted to experience life. Now all I seem to do is wait for the next milestone so I can check it off the list. 

Before I go on, let me clarify. I am not unhappy with my life. I love my husband dearly. I am blessed with a fantastic family and close friends. I have a job, granted it is a job I am not satisfied with, but in this economy I consider myself lucky. The issue is that somewhere along the way I have forgotten how to take care of myself. One absolute truth about life is that you will always have yourself. And I have shamefully neglected myself for a long time. 

I was inspired this morning by MsMorphosis (a blog I highly recommend to anyone). In her post she writes about how blogging changed her life, culminating in a challenge to her readers to join her on this "new frontier". Well MsMorphosis, I accept. I will take you up on that challenge and I will tell you and whoever else dares to read this, how I learned to find myself again. But I'm not stopping there. Not only am I going find what I'm missing, I am going to do everything in my power to never lose it again. 

I don't know where this blog will take me. I don't know what projects this will lead me to and I don't know what I will find along the way. What I do know is that I am beginning a journey and I feel the strong desire to share this journey with you. 

With a new found sense of determination and my laptop in hand, it begins...