Someone asked me the other day if I remembered when the
hardest decision I had to make in a day was what color crayon to use. Years and years ago I am sure picking between sea foam green
and sky blue seemed like a defining decision that affected my existence. “Does
sea foam green best define my mood after waking from a nap and finishing my
juice box? Or is sky blue the better expression of my infantile emotional state
as I attempt to illustrate my vivid imagination?” (Yes, I like to imagine myself
as the type of child who would be concerned about the color of a crayon
reflecting my inner emotional self. In reality it was more like “Blue is pretty!
Green is icky!”)
Ah to be a child again… I remember I used to hope and pray
that time would go by faster so I could be a grown-up. I couldn’t wait to throw
my own parties like my parents did or stay up late watching those funny TV
shows I could never understand. I will admit being an adult has its perks. I
can stay up as late as I want, I can reach the back of the pantry where the
good snacks are hidden, and I can watch TV all weekend long if I want to. These
are wonderful privileges, it’s true, but why did it all seem so glamorous
when I was a child? Unfortunately everything just gets more complicated as we
grow older. As we attempt to mature we learn that people are not always
dependable and relationships become more convoluted. (I hear you saying “Well
DUH… is this supposed to be insightful?” but I am going somewhere
with this, I swear).
Time passes and friends you once relied on to do anything for you start
drifting away. Before you know it, they’re no longer the same friend you remember.
As a child, friends were true friends to the end. There were no judgments to be
made regarding your morality, religion, political views, etc. The only fight
that may have occurred was whether someone feels like sharing their favorite
toy. Now our friends become more than just our playmates, they become family. You
give them your trust despite the fact they could betray you. When you were
younger, there was no question as to whether your friend would help you up when
you fell on the playground. Now our friends can choose to keep running, leaving
you behind to tend to your bloody knee all by yourself.
Let’s face it, it’s impossible not to trip and fall in life.
Sometimes your friends will be there to help you and other times you will find
yourself sitting alone watching the ones you depended on flee the scene. Thus
my first realization - it’s time to stop putting faith in those people that let
you down. Stop expecting them to support you through anything. Stop relying on
them when they fail you. It’s time to move forward with a strong support system
and leave that dead weight behind.
Now, don’t forget, you are
going to fall. You are going to fall HARD
and it’s possible that no one will be there to help you. And so my second
realization - if I fall and no one is there to help, who the hell cares?
It’s the decision to get up and keep climbing that mountain that makes us who
we are. Would it be easy to stop where you are, set up camp, and never leave? Hell
yes! But stopping mid-way on your own journey is a cowardly way to let your
life pass you by. Yes, it sucks. Yes, it’s going to hurt. However, I owe it to
myself to fight whatever hell may lie in front of me.
So you know, these realizations have stemmed from a recent terrible, indescribable fall. Looking up from where I’ve fallen, I don’t see too many people
holding out their hands to help me up. I can tell you right now, it doesn't feel so great. Despite this pain and the bruises I have
brought upon myself, I'm not setting up camp and calling it quits. Thankfully as I begin to brush the dirt off and start walking, I see a few shining faces that I have always been able to
rely on. You know who you are and I want you to know that I love and cherish
you all beyond words. Thank you for the support, the
hugs, the laughs, the smiles, and the reassurance that I have sorely needed. Thank you for taking my hand and reminding me the end of the world only comes when you give up.
